Happy National Coming Out Day!

Today is National Coming Out Day, and I wanted to share my coming out story with The Locher Room community.

I met one of my first gay friends in high school—Jorge! Yes, we both knew we were different, or at least that we liked boys. I’m not sure if I fully understood what being gay meant at the time, but the feelings were there. I was two years older than Jorge and went off to college first. We lost touch during those four years, but in a random twist of fate, someone I met in college had also met Jorge and invited me to my first gay bar, where we reconnected. We frequented that gay bar (Feathers) for many years in the 90’s and we feared getting caught entering the bar.

Jorge & I have been best friends ever since—over 34 years now! We even stood up as best men at each other's weddings, something we couldn’t have imagined back in high school (see picture above from my wedding). He introduced me to an incredible group of gay friends who welcomed me with open arms. I am eternally grateful to him and that circle for taking me in. We were inseparable for years—taking trips, celebrating holidays together. The group picture above is from one of our first Christmas dinners. We had those dinners for many years, and while some friends have passed away far too young, many of us are still very close today.

In those early years, though, I wasn’t out to my family or straight friends. I remember one Sunday morning coming home from a friend's house when my mother told me she had a question. I was terrified because I knew she was going to ask if I was gay. I immediately called one of my friends from the group, and he advised me to tell her if she asked. My mother started by saying, "I'll love you even if you're not," and then she asked, "Are you straight?"

Looking back, I realize how lucky I was to have a mother who supported me from the moment I came out. Yes, she was scared—this was the late 1980s, and the fear of AIDS was very real—but she never wavered in her love. I came out to my sister in 1991, and like my mother, she has always been by my side. My father, unfortunately, never knew, and I’m not sure how he would have reacted. He was from an older generation, and I hope that, in time, he would have accepted me. It saddens me that neither of my parents got to meet my husband. I have this image of my father and father-in-law bonding and hitting it off instantly.

One of the hardest parts of my journey was telling my straight friends. I was genuinely afraid of losing their friendship. My dear friend Diana, whom I met through Guiding Light was like a second mother to mes. I actually had to write her a letter because I was so scared. I told her roughly in 2001 when I moved in with my first boyfriend. It took me years to come out to my best friends from high school (Rina and Albert) and when I finally did, our friendship never changed. Rina actually said, “it’s about time.” The relief.

It makes me so happy to see how far we've come. Hearing about kids who come out in high school today and who get to live their authentic selves fills me with such joy. But I also know there are still kids who struggle with the fear of losing their parents’ love, their friends, and of being bullied. Parents must do better. Just love your children for who they are.

So that’s my story. Happy National Coming Out Day! Remember — don’t feel pressure to come out. It your journey and you decide when it is right for you, but once you do be proud—so proud!